How to Have Confidence in J-fashion

I think confidence often comes naturally to me, but that doesn’t mean I don’t struggle with it on occasion. How to have confidence in j-fashion is one of the most frequently asked questions in kawaii fashion spaces, and it seems like most advice given amounts to “Just don’t care about what other people think!” In this article, I would like to provide some more practical advice that I have found to work for myself and/or others.

1. Find inspirational icons to follow

For someone who struggles with confidence, this could be tricky since instead of being a source of inspiration, your chosen icons could become sources of comparison and insecurity. Don’t just support the people with the biggest wardrobes or the most conventionally attractive bodies; find people who are like you. If you’re a trans man, find trans men who dress in kawaii fashion. If you’re a person of colour, there are plenty of alternative fashion icons just like you! You can find style icons who are disabled, low income, plus size, 30+ years old, and more! Seeing people who don’t fit the traditional kawaii mould living their kawaii life can help you feel confident in your own fashion.

2. Build up to a full coord

If you want to wear decora, start with a few hair clips or wearing a couple more bracelets than normal. If you’re interested in lolita, start off with a blouse or some extra frills. If wearing a full coord is too daunting for you, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with taking things one step at a time. You might even discover your own unique sense of style along the way!

3. Find alternative fashion friends and communities

Surrounding yourself with people who are confident and encouraging will help you find the courage to wear what you want to wear. You’ll also feel less out of place with others who like to dress as weird as you!. If you’re lucky enough to have a local community, great! In my experience, you can usually find out about new meets and events on Facebook. If you don’t have a local community, you can still join online communities. Instagram and Facebook is where I tend to participate in the community the most.

4. Dress up with a friend

I’ve noticed that some of the alternative fashion lovers in my community who have social anxiety will often go to meets or dress up with someone they trust. You and your friend could dress up together if they feel comfortable with it and/or have the resources, or they could just accompany you while they’re dressed in whatever they feel comfortable in. This means that when things get to be too much, you’ll have someone to fall back on and support you.

5. Do something that makes you feel confident while in j-fashion

While I agree that showing signs of low confidence will make you more of a target to potential bullies, faking confidence can be difficult and tiring, hence why you should learn how to feel confident through the power of association. If you’re walking down the street in full on fairy kei and see people staring, put in your earphones and listen to a song that makes you wanna power walk!

6. Judge yourself on your own merits alone

Any time you find yourself commenting (or thinking) something like “I wish I was as stylish as you” or “I could never do that” or “Super jealous of your wardrobe”, pause and think. Those comments involve putting yourself down to lift someone else up, and I for one hate hearing that I am the envy of someone else just as much as I hate envying the people I look up to. Instead, compare what you’re like now to what you were like in the past. Your outfits might be under-accessorised, but maybe your colour coordination is better than it was when you first started out.

7. What if someone is nasty to you?

I’m fortunate enough to have only had a few negative responses, but receiving unprompted criticism or hate, no matter how small, always triggers my anxiety. I can only suggest that you look at the scenario as objectively as you can. When my friend and I were walking to the bus station, a girl with her friends started yelling insults just because we were dressed in decora. We ignored her for a few reasons. Firstly, a refusal to validate her behaviour. Secondly, the conflict would appear one-sided to everyone else. She was the one making herself look foolish, possibly embarrassing herself in front of her friends. She was the one broadcasting to the world how much of an asshole she was! Not reacting can feel unsatisfying, but if you do react they are going to drag you down even more. Instead, ask yourself how this situation would look to an onlooker. Not many people would want to side with the person screaming insults at a few people minding their own business, even if their targets are dressed oddly.

You can always get back at your bullies and critics by being unapologetically yourself despite their attempts to tear you down, as well as turn to your community of support for a dose of reassurance that there’s nothing wrong with dressing outside the norm.

To be confident in j-fashion, you need to channel the energy of a little kid who insists on wearing their princess dress out in public. That boldness we had as children wanes as we grow into adulthood and can be difficult to reclaim, but know that it is okay if it takes a while. Keep trying, keep practicing, keep experimenting with what you feel comfortable in. Your anxieties likely won't disappear completely, but working towards self-confidence will make the nasty voice in your head that much easier to ignore.